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I always think everything happens for a reasons. The happiness, the luckiness, the sadness and the unfortunates. All of these brings something to your life, teach you a lesson, or just simply give you a chance to tell people “I’ve done that”.

Study in UK is the decision where I choose to follow on a whim without thinking too much of how this will effect and change me as a person. Before the big old 'uni test' or in Vietnam called 'thi đại học', I came to a conclusion myself that there is no way I could even get into a decent university with this ability. I have never been the best student, not certainly the worst, but it has always feels like I am being force to do it rather than actually loving any of it. So that's when the decision to stop at 11th grade and start the process to go to UK.

At 18, I flew a 16 hours flight to another side of the planet (at least that was how I felt) to UK. I still remember my mom’s face when she standing there in front of the boarding gate, past over me 2 bags of luggage, gave me a big hug and say goodbye. For the first time in my life, I realised that from this moment, I only have myself now, I will be taking care of myself, I will have the freedom that I have been dreaming of, but not knowing that this is the start of ‘growing up’ as well.

My first 3 years of being here is pretty much a pattern, rent a house, go to lectures, study in library, trying to fit in and find friends, buying food and basically doing a routine everyday. This makes me stay in my ‘comfort zone’ for so long, eventually I was afraid to just do anything different. I was in a relationship for 2 years at this point as well, and as much as I love having someone always there with me, it makes me feel uncomfortable doing things by myself.

And this is not something I realise until I moved on, it is crazy how you change as a person through time and experiences. Being alone and spend time with yourself is one of the best thing and also a very strange thing. I find living alone completely fine, there are occasionally some nights when I felt a bit more difficult, but I tried to stay connected with friends and find other things to do. Eventually, you learn how to make yourself happy without impact of other people.

Getting a job that makes you busy is one of the key thing that help me not thinking too much in the night as well. Working full time from 9:00 to 19:00 and then still working on freelance projects and design keeps me constantly rolling. Some people might call this mad, and yes, I am a workaholic, but that is what keeps me happy, makes me feel grounded, give me stuff to do and stop all of that stupid negative thinking that might comes up.

Probably even just a year ago, I wouldn't be able to say how confidence or how 'sure' of me staying by my own. Moving out and all of these recent changes has mostly been a huge positive experience. It has given me a certain confidence that I am capable of constantly moving away from my comfort zone and will find a way to adapt and adjust to that. I think when you are fully comfortable on your own, you will always be your most powerful. It's something I have learnt from my Mum, and something I think of often. That level of independence means you can always go after what you want without someone else validating it. Of course the support of others is vital and is something I wouldn't live without, but I have also found that the more independent I have become, the stronger my relationship with others have grown too.

So going back to the title - independent. I think it comes with time, with experience, with changes, with gain, and with lost. Don’t be afraid of changes because without changing, you wouldn’t grow.

Isn’t life is about figuring out and maintain certain balances? I often spend time thinking about what are those balances and how it changes throughout our lives which leads to our priorities change too. Although we all know life will never be perfect and certain balances are unachievable (as you will see below), I thought it always good to notice and make an effort to maintain it as much as possible. Also, this topic is impossible to take relevant pictures so here is some random shots that have nothing to do with the subject.

1. Work and Life.

Ahh well isn’t this the ultimate balance that everyone wants to achieve. Since starting working a full-time job in the event field, I realised that this is not a 9-5 job at all. Someday it is until 10 pm if events are still going on… Topping that with 2 other freelance jobs, the work is on going. However, the ‘balance’ based on how you pursued it to be, I think. It drove by your own mindset, your own attitude. That is when I always try to shift my mind to think some at least 1 positive thing that happens today, a good song, fresh hair or even just the bus came on time that can make my mind feels better and make going to work a bit more enjoyable. This quote by Charles R.S explains this concept perfectly:

"The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we all have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day, We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."

2. The fine line between being empathetic and being used.

This is something that I don’t usually open and talks about, also a topic that I just started to think about recently after some events happened. Always has been an empathy person, I seem to be that ‘ear’ to listen to people’s stories and try to help if I can. This is not to talk about my friends, my best friends, they are ultimately the people who I always treasure and want to be there for them whenever I can. This is more about finding that fine line of listening and being used by other people that you might even come across just a couple times. It seems to me like the moment you meet someone now, the first thing that comes to their mind is what they can get out of me, is it any good to hang out with me or is it just a waste of time? Either way, I learned it the hard way where to put my empathy and when to just let them mind their own business. Ultimately, your time and emotion are expensive, spend it on the people that actually care about you.

3. Loving instant noodle but have to get some veggie as well.

So…here is a thing, living alone, aboard, in a share house is not an ideal situation to cook. This leads to me coming back home late from work and just eat nothing or instant food. This is that one thing I would love to change so bad but then at the same time I accept that I would never be a good cook or would ever love to cook. I guess the balance that I am looking for will be an ongoing process…

4. Love yourself and giving love.

This is one that has changed so much for me in the past year or so. I guess that everyone goes to that transition period when you don’t really know who you are, what is your character and what do you want. Social media does not do any help through this as well. I find myself looking at people’s perfect Instagram pictures and think wow…is everybody else all have a perfect life? Quote to my mom “the more you grow up, the more you will learn about yourself, trust me” which is so true. At 21, might seems like still young to some people, but it is enough time to make me understand about myself and also how to treat my relationship with people in my life as well. Touch on the previous point where I mentioned about spending time with the important people in your life, you will find that you just need a couple strong best mates to get you through and you know they will always be with you no matter what.

5. You don’t need any more clothes but you kinda do.

How many clothes does one person need? My obsession all started with my mom, being that stylist mom with such a unique and different sense of style, she influenced me to be more adventure and confident in what I choose to wear. I still remember when going to kinder garden, every morning my mom will let me choose my own outfit, I pulled out an orange jumper with a blue pair of jeans, and that is when I learn about how colours work and how each compliment each other. As till now, clothes to me is a way of expressing myself to the world. It makes me happy and productive when I have an outfit that I feel great about. So I guess this will not be something I am planning to change on putting a stop to either. This is an imbalance I like.

I am writing this post on a quite day at work, couple weeks after came back from a short trip to Paris with my friend. It is a weirdly quite day, no one in the office, I feel like I can even hear the strong, powerful wind blowing outside. Somehow it makes me feel relaxing and inspirational, thats how the intend of starting a blog sort of intreat me. These photos are taken with my first ever film camera - Canon G3 QL and 400iso film roll shotted by Thah and I months ago but never really release all of them.

The idea of writing a post, no gonna lie, had doubt me for a while just because of the work that goes into it (admire all the bloggers out there who post every week). But some said better start than do nothing, so here I am, trying to remember what we did in Paris and how I felt in there.

It was the end of February when Thah and I went to Paris, just for a weekend get away. We rent a small Airbnb, with not much expectation but it somehow ends up to be a really cozy, comfortable and familiar place. The house was decorated with lots of vintage books and magazines, old cameras and candles (which I love).

Weirdy, it is not just the Airbnb that feels familiar, Paris feels the same too. The fact that Hanoi is heavily inspired by Paris architecture and street view makes it so easy to adapt to the view. Some corners, when passed, it likes coming back to my home town, seeing line of trees along the street, old street lights and houses reminds me so much of Hanoi.

Can’t miss out on the best part of Paris, the bakery. No one would ever come to Paris without buying a load of bread, or a cake with tea. Supposedly it is the butter that makes Paris bakery THAT good, light not sweet but full of flavour that melted in your mouth. The perfect combination of that and tea made wake up early in the morning just worth it.

Something I have been thinking about it how much changes we all are every year when we grow up. Even just a year ago, how I feel and think about my self was so different. Is it the matter of what you been through, all the events that happens just in a period of a year that could change you and makes you so much stronger, mature and independent?

Perhaps it is just a nature transition of everyone when trying to figure out who we are and what do we want to be. Each time picking up my suitcase and go somewhere is a time when I know that there are still so much to learn, so much to discover not just about the place, but about myself too.